a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
