Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
