Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize