anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
