woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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