I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
