I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
