Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Ketchup is God's man juice
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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