Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
