Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
