So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
