just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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