I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
