don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
