Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Let's paint friendship bongs
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
