Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
