Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just pee around me
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
