WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
