he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
But theres a keg here and me gusta
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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