a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
