I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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