You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize