Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
