I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
