I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
