Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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