Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
