Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
