Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
