I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
