so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
