Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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