You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Bring me that man meat
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize