I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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