I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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