no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
