the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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