There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
