Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
