from now on my penis is your penis
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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