THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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