I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
