every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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