I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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