Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
