2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
