just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
