this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
