Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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