I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
