i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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