I'm drive I can fine osifer
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
