gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
