I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
