im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
In America we eat man semen.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Randomize
