we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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