My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
