Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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