You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
