yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
