Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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