so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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