go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
