what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
