3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
